My Two Year Old Says...

The mind of a two year old is amazing, and kind of bizarre.
Here are some things that come out of my daughter's mouth on a daily basis:

On Observing The Body:

"There's a spider in my (va)gina!"
(There was a spider in the tub, but we removed it promptly, and it was no where near her girl parts.)

"When I am big I am going to get boobs!"
(Said to a random woman at the playground.)

"This is my scary monster booty."

On Random Scary Things:

"There is a ladybug in my diaper! A ladybug in my diaper!"
(Upon investigation, no visible ladybug.)

(hysterically) "There is a dog in the window!"
(The window is 15 feet off the ground. And there is no visible dog.)

"There's a robot in the kitchen! Is it gone?"
(There is no visible robot.)

"There is a monster in the curtain!"
(No visible monster.)

On Observing Tragedy (her own and others):

"That baby is sad. She needs her mommy."

"I've got big tears!"

"I fell down went boom"

And,

"That was surprising!"
(Spoken after trauma of said falling down going boom.)

All Short and Dumpy Looking

My dear cousin is pregnant. She's 5'10" and very thin and fit, but since becoming pregnant she feels big and fat, and she's always saying so on Facebook.  It can be quite freaky to see your body change like that, even if you're in perfect shape. I'm always trying to encourage her that she is healthy and normal, that her condition is temporary, and to enjoy the experience of growing a human in her body.

Today, one of her friends posted, "At least you're not all short and dumpy looking like Kim Kardashian."

I'm calling bullshit on this statement in a million different ways. This kind of thinking is the problem, and it's why my cousin feels fat in the first place. This kind of statement breaks down the fabric of sisterhood. I know she was just trying to make her friend feel better, but what she actually said was that tall pregnant people are more attractive, and thus better, than short "dumpy" people. So, so offensive, and so, so superficial and rude.

My response, because I couldn't help myself: "I was/am short and dumpy looking but who cares - I grew a human and my body is amazing because of it."

My point? Not that I am inferior for not being tall and thin, but that all bodies that grow babies in them are wonderful and amazing. It doesn't matter what they're shaped like! We need to take that to heart, women! It's wrong to judge each other and tear each other down like that. What's the point? I am 100% sure it didn't make my cousin feel one bit better about her changing self.

I may be short (absolutely nothing I can do about it) and "dumpy" (a matter of opinion) like Kim Kardashian (who is no role model by any means, but still a beautiful pregnant woman who deserves respect), but I am not shallow and ignorant. I know real beauty when I see it. And for this, I am very thankful.

Softer

My husband wishes I wouldn't yell at him in the morning. He really hates it and he gets really snippy with me.

In reality, I don't wake up mad at my husband. I wake up with the harsh reality of all the things that are in front of me each day, and what it will take to get them all done. The first five or so times I ask him to get up, I'm actually quite impartial. Each time after that, my voice does get louder, yes. The man sleeps like the dead, so if you don't get to bullhorn level, he will easily sleep on all day.

It's true that each time I have to ask him to wake up, I also get more irritated. I'm sorry, but I do. The morning happens pretty much the same way every day, and it has for years now. I don't know why it's a surprise to him. I don't know why he's not a little more proactive about the situation. If I stopped asking him to wake up and help to get A ready so I can get ready to go to work, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. But that is never going to happen. We are in this together and I'm holding him to it.

I'm sure he wishes he woke up every day with his wife whispering sweet nothings in his ear, after sleeping for as long as he needs to. I'm sure he wishes I was a little softer and more accommodating, and never raised my voice. That would be nice. Who wouldn't want that in a wife?

Honestly, my life, it's stressful most of the time. It would be less stressful if he carried more of the work burden so that I could carry less, worry less, and scramble less, and thus focus more on finessing my domestic approach. I would like that too, but I can't hang my hat on it. So our mornings are going to be chop-chop. I am going to share the chop-chop with my husband so that I don't fall down dead from the weight of it all.

I promise to try and channel a little more sweetness and a little less warrior taskmaster. I promise to keep my tone in check if he promises not to resent me for the intrusion on his slumber.


PS. In an effort to channel some sweetness, I woke him up this morning with an offer of coffee. He appreciated it so much, that he brought me a grapefruit for breakfast during my way-too-early conference call. You can teach old dogs new tricks, I guess.

Bed Time!

It's time for a big girl bed!

 

 

 

She loves her cozy new bed, and surprisingly, it hasn't really changed her new awesome sleep habits.

 

She still sleeps all night. Well, actually, she has woken up and wanted to come into our bed once, but only to cuddle for awhile and then get back into her own bed.

 

She still gets up at the crack of dawn and yells for me. She still wants to read books, and she wants me to get them for her. She hasn't figured out that she can just get out of bed and get them herself! Kind of awesome, and very cute. When she's done reading at the top of her lungs, she will just walk right into my room to let me know she's ready for action.

 

She still naps for 2-3 hours in the afternoon. One day I heard her crying and walked in there to find her standing in the middle of the room with her blanket, half asleep, upset that the door was closed.

 

Soon she'll figure this all out and she'll get out of bed whenever she wants to. She'll also get tall enough to open the door by herself. This could open up a whole new can of worms. Until then, I'm just going to marvel at this new milestone. It's cool to see her evolve. 

Clouds on a Sunny Day

Today was a bad day. A very bad day. My job is really sucking right now. My confidence is being broken down, second-guessed and undermined. The old boys' club is alive and well, and it's such bullshit.

I am cloudy minded, off my game, and unusually emotional. I am wondering what I am worth and what all this stress is worth.  I am wondering how I can make this situation better, or if I can. Maybe I just have to suck it up and detach. I'm not a very good detacher, because doing good work means a lot to me. Maybe it should mean a little less. Maybe I should phone it in, to save my sanity. People do it all the time. I always thought I was better than that, and thus more valuable than that, but maybe I am wrong.

I don't know what to do, but maybe tomorrow will bring clarity. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe there will be some solution. Maybe I should follow my own advice, and just believe that it will all come out in the wash. It will, right?

I think that maybe I've just overstayed my welcome on this project, and maybe on this job. I need to keep my eyes open for what's next.

Photo Show

I love photography. I have gotten my hands on a fancy camera temporarily, and have been having fun just taking photos of stuff. Here are some of my favorite non-human shots:

Deception Pass Park, New Years Day 2013

A Nice Plastic Family

Day of the Dead Dude

This is what A was looking at in this post: Big Dead Man

Brass

Mom's Sewing Room

A Rainy Day at Twin Ponds Park

Springtime

All-Nighter

I don't want to jinx it, but I think we've turned a corner with the sleeping. The girl has been sleeping all the way through the night for over a week now. She goes to sleep easy and stays that way until about 5 or 6 in the morning. It's amazing.

Is it because of the blackout curtain? I don't know, but I'm keeping that thing, especially because the late evening light is coming up with summer.

I don't like getting up that damn early, but another cool thing has happened. She doesn't want to come into our bed at all. She just wants to read books in the crib, all by herself. This usually lasts for 45 min or an hour, so guess what else? Mama gets to stay in bed for awhile. This is good, good, good.

Many other positive outcomes here too. If I get myself to sleep at a reasonable hour, I can get 5 or 6 hours of solid sleep. I can't even express what a miracle that feels like, and how it improves the quality of my existence. My baby girl is maturing! And even though I have to wake up earlier, if I have some good sleep, I am motivated to get a ton of stuff done in the wee hours. Bonus! Maybe I can even start to exercise regularly!

I expect some backsliding, but now I know this is possible and I have faith that things could, possibly, return back to "normal". 

I think it might be time for a big girl bed.

Share The Road

A public service message from a friendly driver:

For the record, I am just fine sharing the road with bicycles. I love to see examples of folks reducing the carbon footprint and staying healthy. Go, riders, go!

I'm just going to say this, though. Bike riders have to follow the same rules that cars do. If you're going to ride in traffic, stop at the same stops cars do. Signal, please, when going left or right. Don't zig on and off the sidewalks - commit to one or the other. Cars aren't as agile as bikes, and if we can't anticipate where you're going to be, the results could lead to a big mess.

Let's just all agree to observe the same flow. I'll slow down for you. I'll pass you with plenty of room. I'll give you the respect that's due, so please do the same for me. We can all get along, get where we need to go, and stay alive. It's real easy.

Thanks for listening.

That is all.