I was thinking, in the middle of the night, when I was wide awake (as usual lately). I am not able to go to sleep and stay sleeping, even when I'm not constantly interrupted by my dear family. My sleep routine is way out of whack. This ain't good!
Other than the obvious sleeping pills, which I am trying to avoid for many reasons, here are a few other things I think I will try to get myself back in the sleep saddle:
1. No caffeine. I'm going to try this for a week and see if it helps. I can't do coffee anyway, but I love iced tea! Avoiding it was really hard when I was pregnant and it's going to be hard now, but at least I can try. It's something I have control over.
2. Go to the doctor. If they recommend sleeping pills, that's one thing, but there might be other problems to look into that might be causing me to sleep badly.
3. Exercise and stretch. I'm trying hard to do this, even a little bit. It's so tricky when I'm a total zombie to get up the energy, but I think it will help with sleep if I don't do it too late in the evening.
4. Don't check email, Facebook, or anything else online after 7-8pm. Email, especially work email, can really disturb my mind, and Facebook is just plain distracting and meaningless. I could do with a lot less of all that distraction.
5. Cut back on the spicy foods, especially late. I often wake up with my stomach hurting.
6. Take Arli to the doctor about her bad sleeping lately. Maybe they have some suggestions.
7. On the weekends, take a nap when she naps. Or at least rest. I need naps! Naps are good! Dishes and chores really do wait for me. They are loyal friends.
8. Cut down on the stupid TV watching! Pick a show or two to watch and just stick to those. Seriously, a ton of stupid crap goes in my head and I just don't need it there. I need some peaceful thoughts not a bunch of drivel. I could even try a total media blackout once a week and see if that gets me some better sleep. I bet it does.
9. Talk to therapist more about stress reduction. That could be helpful, huh?
10. I could, if I was really brave, try to do some sort of meditation practice again. Kind of a no-brainer how that would help, but it's just a matter of motivation, which is rare when I'm perpetually exhausted!
I'm just making this all up with my infinite (?) wisdom and logic, but it seems to me that I could probably take better care of myself. I'm gonna check into that.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Going With The Gut
I've been getting a lot of questions about sending Arli to toddler classes or preschool. The answer is - I don't know! I don't know about any of these things. I think she's too young for preschool, but should she go to a toddler class? I am of two minds about all this.
One mind says that I need to put some time into thinking about her social development, skill-building and education already. Maybe I am already behind and Arli isn't getting all the opportunities she needs to grow.
The other mind says, does it really matter right now? She is developing exactly on schedule. She walks, runs and climbs. Her motor skills seem right on. She is infinitely curious about the world around her. She gets new words and phrases every day, and is an excellent communicator, I think. When I watch her around other kids, she seems socially well-adjusted. She shares as good as any 22 month old I've seen, she is interested in playing with other kids and interacts pretty well. She also plays very well by herself.
Because I work full time, my time with her is precious. When I am able to be home with her, I want to be with her. We talk and read and play and go for walks and explore and even do chores. I know that kids need to branch out in the world; I totally get that, but what would she get in a toddler class that she doesn't get from her parents, the kids she plays with, and her awesome babysitter? Am I missing something?
I'm going to go with instinct on this one, and enjoy this time with her. I'll keep introducing her to new things and people, and when it's time to go to preschool, we'll work that out.
And because it's been awhile since I posted some cute photos, here is some evidence that Arli is going to be alright...
1. She has been fascinated with books since she could sit up.
2. Now that she can talk too, I find her sitting in her chair just jabbering away reading herself a book. For both her bookworm parents, this is music to our ears.
3. She mostly plays well with others.
4. She can motor like no one's business, and she seems like a pretty happy camper to me!
The time will come when she has plenty of classes and activities. Right now, I think it's ok if she just plays. That's ok, right?
One mind says that I need to put some time into thinking about her social development, skill-building and education already. Maybe I am already behind and Arli isn't getting all the opportunities she needs to grow.
The other mind says, does it really matter right now? She is developing exactly on schedule. She walks, runs and climbs. Her motor skills seem right on. She is infinitely curious about the world around her. She gets new words and phrases every day, and is an excellent communicator, I think. When I watch her around other kids, she seems socially well-adjusted. She shares as good as any 22 month old I've seen, she is interested in playing with other kids and interacts pretty well. She also plays very well by herself.
Because I work full time, my time with her is precious. When I am able to be home with her, I want to be with her. We talk and read and play and go for walks and explore and even do chores. I know that kids need to branch out in the world; I totally get that, but what would she get in a toddler class that she doesn't get from her parents, the kids she plays with, and her awesome babysitter? Am I missing something?
I'm going to go with instinct on this one, and enjoy this time with her. I'll keep introducing her to new things and people, and when it's time to go to preschool, we'll work that out.
And because it's been awhile since I posted some cute photos, here is some evidence that Arli is going to be alright...
1. She has been fascinated with books since she could sit up.
3. She mostly plays well with others.
4. She can motor like no one's business, and she seems like a pretty happy camper to me!
The time will come when she has plenty of classes and activities. Right now, I think it's ok if she just plays. That's ok, right?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
40
It is downright shocking to reach the age of 40. Honestly, I don't know where the time has gone. I feel like there's been some evolution in the continuum of my life, definitely some lessons learned and some wisdom acquired, but I still feel youthful and fresh on the inside. It just doesn't reconcile logically. How can this be?
How can my life be half, or more than half, over? I certainly don't feel half done, and I don't appreciate the thought that I could die in approximately 40 years or less. Actually, that's kind of abstract. It's not the years or the time that haunts me, it's the fact that my body and mind is already starting to break down a little bit. I can't remember things as well as I used to, I am starting to need glasses, and my body hurts in places it never has before. I don't necessarily want to live until I'm 100. I really only want to live until living becomes unbearable physically, and who knows when that will be?
It could happen soon, and it will happen sooner than I'd prefer. I am seeing my friends' parents start to pass away, my family members and friends getting cancer or other horrifying ailments or even dying. I mean, what the hell?? I always knew these things happened, but I never thought they happened to people I knew! This is unacceptable!
For women, especially, the 40's are supposed to be a time of great liberation. It's a time when we are comfortable with ourselves (supposedly), we are more confident based on our life experience, and much less tolerant of stupid crap. I can see how this could be true. I'm feeling this a little bit. I feel like I really know what's important in my life and what isn't, and that it's taken on a whole new meaning now that I'm "mature".
Also for women, it can be kind of heartbreaking to get into the 40's. Our bodies are officially too old to have babies. If we missed the window to have as many kids as we want, or any kids at all, this time could be a time of mourning. We have menopause coming up soon, and that doesn't look like any picnic. We are no longer viewed as sexy young things, and our stock goes down a little bit in the superficial media view of what is attractive. (That's a blessing in disguise anyway if you ask me. Who has time for that? I know plenty of total supermodel babes who aren't any further in the love department, despite their good genes and beautification efforts. Work with what you got so that you feel good, I say. Is that just the 40-year-old me talking?? Sorry, little tangent there.)
It's just a little scary for people in my generation to think ahead to retirement. What will that look like? Looking at the economy and the completely ridiculous shenanigans that the government continues to cook up to make themselves for comfortable but leaving out the people they are supposed to serve, will we even get to retire before we die? What kind of planning will guarantee security and comfort as an elderly, physically and possibly mentally challenged individual? Do we burden our kids with it? What if we don't have enough or any kids to burden?
These are the thoughts that rattle through my mind now, and I resent it! Can't I just be planning a theme party or playing frisbee in the park or something? I've said before, and I'll say it again because I really do believe it, life is what you make it. I'll use that positive psychology to spin this the right way, as soon as I stop spinning from the shock.
How can my life be half, or more than half, over? I certainly don't feel half done, and I don't appreciate the thought that I could die in approximately 40 years or less. Actually, that's kind of abstract. It's not the years or the time that haunts me, it's the fact that my body and mind is already starting to break down a little bit. I can't remember things as well as I used to, I am starting to need glasses, and my body hurts in places it never has before. I don't necessarily want to live until I'm 100. I really only want to live until living becomes unbearable physically, and who knows when that will be?
It could happen soon, and it will happen sooner than I'd prefer. I am seeing my friends' parents start to pass away, my family members and friends getting cancer or other horrifying ailments or even dying. I mean, what the hell?? I always knew these things happened, but I never thought they happened to people I knew! This is unacceptable!
For women, especially, the 40's are supposed to be a time of great liberation. It's a time when we are comfortable with ourselves (supposedly), we are more confident based on our life experience, and much less tolerant of stupid crap. I can see how this could be true. I'm feeling this a little bit. I feel like I really know what's important in my life and what isn't, and that it's taken on a whole new meaning now that I'm "mature".
Also for women, it can be kind of heartbreaking to get into the 40's. Our bodies are officially too old to have babies. If we missed the window to have as many kids as we want, or any kids at all, this time could be a time of mourning. We have menopause coming up soon, and that doesn't look like any picnic. We are no longer viewed as sexy young things, and our stock goes down a little bit in the superficial media view of what is attractive. (That's a blessing in disguise anyway if you ask me. Who has time for that? I know plenty of total supermodel babes who aren't any further in the love department, despite their good genes and beautification efforts. Work with what you got so that you feel good, I say. Is that just the 40-year-old me talking?? Sorry, little tangent there.)
It's just a little scary for people in my generation to think ahead to retirement. What will that look like? Looking at the economy and the completely ridiculous shenanigans that the government continues to cook up to make themselves for comfortable but leaving out the people they are supposed to serve, will we even get to retire before we die? What kind of planning will guarantee security and comfort as an elderly, physically and possibly mentally challenged individual? Do we burden our kids with it? What if we don't have enough or any kids to burden?
These are the thoughts that rattle through my mind now, and I resent it! Can't I just be planning a theme party or playing frisbee in the park or something? I've said before, and I'll say it again because I really do believe it, life is what you make it. I'll use that positive psychology to spin this the right way, as soon as I stop spinning from the shock.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Head in the Clouds
I have this problem sometimes where my head gets stuck in the clouds. Right now is a good example. I really need to be working on some budgets and schedules and what-not, but I can't get into the spirit of it. I know logically that I have to work to support my family, blah, blah, blah, but I'd much rather be lying in the grass looking up at the sky and pondering existence. When do I get to do that?
I'd have to schedule that into my weekend, I guess, and the weekend is just too packed with catching up on the dishes, necessary errands, and spending quality time with you-know-who. I'm sure she wouldn't mind going to hang out in a grassy field, but she certainly wouldn't just lie there and ponder. I'd be chasing her all over hill and dale, and well, that would be fun, but it's not exactly relaxing.
And, honestly, if I did actually get to lie in the grass, I wouldn't do any pondering. Let's get real. I'd probably just think about all the things I need to get done, be missing my girl, or I'd just fall asleep with my mouth open like a big dork. I guess I'd be better off just scheduling a nap.
On the very rare occasion, I do get to schedule a nap. Yesterday I got up so flippin' early and by 9:30 I was barely keeping one eye open. When Jeff finally rolled out of bed, I mumbled incoherently something about needing to sleep and stumbled into the bedroom. I was in there for over an hour, but I didn't really get much sleep and this is why - I was unknowingly trying to rest during ping-pong practice. We don't actually have a table, so Arli was throwing the ball against the bedroom wall repeatedly. Also we don't have any paddles or a nice quiet ping-pong ball, so she was using her mighty fist to throw a wooden ball. That was loud, and not very restful. My scheduling mistake for sure.
It is Monday and here I am. Nine projects in various stages of development, and none of them relaxing or very forgiving as far as taking time out to ponder. I will push through and get it all done, of course I will. That is my deal with the universe.
Someday, I will just take that time to lie in the grass and ponder. I don't know when, but it will be so delicious when it finally happens.
I'd have to schedule that into my weekend, I guess, and the weekend is just too packed with catching up on the dishes, necessary errands, and spending quality time with you-know-who. I'm sure she wouldn't mind going to hang out in a grassy field, but she certainly wouldn't just lie there and ponder. I'd be chasing her all over hill and dale, and well, that would be fun, but it's not exactly relaxing.
And, honestly, if I did actually get to lie in the grass, I wouldn't do any pondering. Let's get real. I'd probably just think about all the things I need to get done, be missing my girl, or I'd just fall asleep with my mouth open like a big dork. I guess I'd be better off just scheduling a nap.
On the very rare occasion, I do get to schedule a nap. Yesterday I got up so flippin' early and by 9:30 I was barely keeping one eye open. When Jeff finally rolled out of bed, I mumbled incoherently something about needing to sleep and stumbled into the bedroom. I was in there for over an hour, but I didn't really get much sleep and this is why - I was unknowingly trying to rest during ping-pong practice. We don't actually have a table, so Arli was throwing the ball against the bedroom wall repeatedly. Also we don't have any paddles or a nice quiet ping-pong ball, so she was using her mighty fist to throw a wooden ball. That was loud, and not very restful. My scheduling mistake for sure.
It is Monday and here I am. Nine projects in various stages of development, and none of them relaxing or very forgiving as far as taking time out to ponder. I will push through and get it all done, of course I will. That is my deal with the universe.
Someday, I will just take that time to lie in the grass and ponder. I don't know when, but it will be so delicious when it finally happens.
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