The girl has been sleeping like a champ. She's been going to bed by herself at 8 every night and waking up consistently between 7-8am. She's been napping for an hour every day around the noon hour. Very predictable. Things have been good. It's not taking us 1-3 hours of rocking and holding and gently placing her sleeping self in the crib. We read a couple of books, she gets tired and points to her crib, where we lay her down with her eyes open and leave the room. She drifts off to sleep peacefully and we have some sense of progress.
This is liberating! This is how it should be, right? She is evolving! She doesn't sleep 13 or 15 hours a day like some kids, and she still comes into our bed sometimes, but in general we are all ok with this new development. I've even been thinking that this could possibly leave a little time to exercise or talk to my husband in the evening.
Well, until last week when her nap started to go awry. Instead of 12 or even 1, it slipped to more like 2 or 3. Not that great. Her bedtime, though, seemed to still be reasonable and she was sleeping by 8:30.
Today the camel's back broke. I don't know what happened to her, but she would not nap to save her life. Not at the regular time, not at her later time, not in the car after two tries, and not on a long stroller ride. Eventually there was a lot of crying from exhaustion (hers, not mine, although I felt like it), red-rimmed eyes and zombie walking. We thought for sure she'd go to sleep like a bag of rocks, as she usually does when she misses a nap.
Nope. She was chipper and lively after her bath, pointing at everything and chattering like a crazy person with a binky in her mouth. Together we spent about 2 hours trying to hold her until sleepy, and every time we put her in the crib she would scream so intensely we thought she would throw up. We'd pick her back up, and she'd melt into us, relax, and nearly drift off. We tried not to pick her up and just let her cry, but it was like an insane crazy torture nightmare like nothing we had ever seen from her before. What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On?
Does this mean that all of the months of our good habit sleep training is out the window? Are we going to have to go to sleep with her every night again after hours of struggling and frustration? Are we doomed, or is this just an anomoly? Is she just crazy and this is the first symptom, or is she just going through some mysterious toddler hormone thing? Also, WHY is this happening?
This is the hardest part of parenting, I think, so far. The not having any idea WHY something is happening, what did we do to contribute to it, and if it can be fixed. I am told by my encouraging therapist that I practice "positive psychology", so I'm going to try really hard to do that here, as baffled and bummed as I am that this is happening.
I'm going to send up a little prayer that things will be just fine and our little lady will be relaxed, rested, mentally stable and happy in her life, starting real soon. Tomorrow would be great.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Enough Already
I don't know about you fine folks, but I often find myself feeling indignant when faced with new demands on my time/resources/money/energy/effort. I honestly feel like I work plenty hard enough, and that I'm giving everything possible that there is to give to all of my obligations.
One thing that my dear husband has recently asked of me is to spend some time each day exercising. 15-20 minutes would be easy to do, he says. It just takes a little effort, he says, and he doesn't know why I won't even try. At first, I was totally outraged at his audacity to ask one more thing of me, when I already take care of most everything in the house, work full time, take care of the child and family obligations, etc. He is a man with actual free time, so of course 15-20 minutes of exercise is easy for him.
I brought this conversation to my therapist because I was so pissed about it. I felt like I needed a little backup or validation or something.
My therapist asked me what I thought of my husband's invitation. Sometimes, he says, people who care about us ask us to do things that can actually be beneficial for us, and did I think that his suggestion could be beneficial?
OF COURSE, was my answer. I know exercising would be great for me on many levels.
Well, do you want to do it?
OF COURSE I do!
I don't think you do, he said, because if you did, you would do it. You have the power to accomplish anything you put your mind to. If you wanted to exercise, you would build it into your day somehow.
He's really not being a hard ass, he is simply stating the truth. It didn't seem like it at first, but he actually was giving me the validation I wanted and steering me away from anger.
Very clever, he is, because now I am thinking about this in a different way. If I put aside all my outrage about what I think my husband meant by this (you are not attractive you need to be better you need to do more I would like you more if you were thinner I am ashamed of you) and realize what he probably did mean (you would have more energy and feel better if you exercised and I want to live with a happier person), I can actually consider the invitation.
There are still only 24 hours in each day. I am still trying to figure out where the 15-20 minutes would come from, but I'm not ruling it out as a possibility. I have the aspiration to develop the motivation to make this a priority because it's actually a pretty good idea all around. I'm still working through the resentment of the request, because you know I don't like to be judged or told what to do, but I think I can let that go too. Things will sure be a lot easier around here when I do, and maybe it will even free up enough energy to do some sit-ups, who knows?
One thing that my dear husband has recently asked of me is to spend some time each day exercising. 15-20 minutes would be easy to do, he says. It just takes a little effort, he says, and he doesn't know why I won't even try. At first, I was totally outraged at his audacity to ask one more thing of me, when I already take care of most everything in the house, work full time, take care of the child and family obligations, etc. He is a man with actual free time, so of course 15-20 minutes of exercise is easy for him.
I brought this conversation to my therapist because I was so pissed about it. I felt like I needed a little backup or validation or something.
My therapist asked me what I thought of my husband's invitation. Sometimes, he says, people who care about us ask us to do things that can actually be beneficial for us, and did I think that his suggestion could be beneficial?
OF COURSE, was my answer. I know exercising would be great for me on many levels.
Well, do you want to do it?
OF COURSE I do!
I don't think you do, he said, because if you did, you would do it. You have the power to accomplish anything you put your mind to. If you wanted to exercise, you would build it into your day somehow.
He's really not being a hard ass, he is simply stating the truth. It didn't seem like it at first, but he actually was giving me the validation I wanted and steering me away from anger.
Very clever, he is, because now I am thinking about this in a different way. If I put aside all my outrage about what I think my husband meant by this (you are not attractive you need to be better you need to do more I would like you more if you were thinner I am ashamed of you) and realize what he probably did mean (you would have more energy and feel better if you exercised and I want to live with a happier person), I can actually consider the invitation.
There are still only 24 hours in each day. I am still trying to figure out where the 15-20 minutes would come from, but I'm not ruling it out as a possibility. I have the aspiration to develop the motivation to make this a priority because it's actually a pretty good idea all around. I'm still working through the resentment of the request, because you know I don't like to be judged or told what to do, but I think I can let that go too. Things will sure be a lot easier around here when I do, and maybe it will even free up enough energy to do some sit-ups, who knows?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A Tale of a Traveling Toddler
"This vacation is all about how to adapt." - Jeff
Holy moly, a vacation with a 21 month old person is an adventure. And by adventure, I mean non-stop activity and antics that are anything but relaxing and leisurely. Arli is a good girl, and a pretty good traveler all around, but she is still a very small sensitive person with needs and wants (many, many, immediate and non-negotiable wants).
We were wise enough to get her a seat on the plane between us, and she is surprisingly manageable. She doesn't throw up or scream on take off or landing. She is small enough still that she can move around within the space and doesn't try to escape. She charms everyone around her, either saying "hi" to them or giving them the famous stare down. Either way she is very popular. She doesn't sleep, really, except for on landing. For some reason it makes her pass out every time.
She got to spend a little bit of time with Grandma and Great Aunt Becky, and she ran them around the block a few times. I just let her go because it was 10 minutes that I got to breathe. You can see the look on my mom's face - she was relentless.
We went to my cousin's wedding, but I didn't get to see the ceremony or enjoy the reception because she was especially worked up and restless from all the activity. This photo was taken just before the ceremony started, just before she started squeezing the juice box and spraying it all over the place and screaming in her chair because she was sticky. I spent the rest of the evening chasing her around. (Note to self: toddlers and organized events do not mix.)
Jeff was kind enough to let me get a pedicure while he walked the girl around the mall. Well, he carried her around the mall. He said she wouldn't let her feet touch the ground without serious trouble. If that were me, I would have marched to the car and got the stroller, but he is his own man. The pedicure was great, and afterward, she finally got on her own two feet to do some shopping. She carried the owl purse on her arm the entire time. It was pretty adorable.
We took a couple of drives into the mountains because the only place she would take a nap was in the car. This was a good compromise. We got to talk and enjoy some beautiful sights, and she got some much needed rest. We also took a dip in the hotel pool and went out for pizza. At the end of the three days, our nerves were shot and we were happy to get home. Arli was so happy, in fact, that she passed out cold on landing and all the way through the airport until we got to the car. So unusual for her, but we thought it was pretty great.
I think we will re-think the family vacation, at least for the next couple of years. Maybe we'll stick close to home, or maybe we'll just leave her with the grandparents next time so we can get some peace and quiet. Family time is the best thing in the world, but it shouldn't be so much work!
Holy moly, a vacation with a 21 month old person is an adventure. And by adventure, I mean non-stop activity and antics that are anything but relaxing and leisurely. Arli is a good girl, and a pretty good traveler all around, but she is still a very small sensitive person with needs and wants (many, many, immediate and non-negotiable wants).
We were wise enough to get her a seat on the plane between us, and she is surprisingly manageable. She doesn't throw up or scream on take off or landing. She is small enough still that she can move around within the space and doesn't try to escape. She charms everyone around her, either saying "hi" to them or giving them the famous stare down. Either way she is very popular. She doesn't sleep, really, except for on landing. For some reason it makes her pass out every time.
She got to spend a little bit of time with Grandma and Great Aunt Becky, and she ran them around the block a few times. I just let her go because it was 10 minutes that I got to breathe. You can see the look on my mom's face - she was relentless.
We went to my cousin's wedding, but I didn't get to see the ceremony or enjoy the reception because she was especially worked up and restless from all the activity. This photo was taken just before the ceremony started, just before she started squeezing the juice box and spraying it all over the place and screaming in her chair because she was sticky. I spent the rest of the evening chasing her around. (Note to self: toddlers and organized events do not mix.)
Jeff was kind enough to let me get a pedicure while he walked the girl around the mall. Well, he carried her around the mall. He said she wouldn't let her feet touch the ground without serious trouble. If that were me, I would have marched to the car and got the stroller, but he is his own man. The pedicure was great, and afterward, she finally got on her own two feet to do some shopping. She carried the owl purse on her arm the entire time. It was pretty adorable.
We took a couple of drives into the mountains because the only place she would take a nap was in the car. This was a good compromise. We got to talk and enjoy some beautiful sights, and she got some much needed rest. We also took a dip in the hotel pool and went out for pizza. At the end of the three days, our nerves were shot and we were happy to get home. Arli was so happy, in fact, that she passed out cold on landing and all the way through the airport until we got to the car. So unusual for her, but we thought it was pretty great.
I think we will re-think the family vacation, at least for the next couple of years. Maybe we'll stick close to home, or maybe we'll just leave her with the grandparents next time so we can get some peace and quiet. Family time is the best thing in the world, but it shouldn't be so much work!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Neighborly
There have been some strange and inconsiderate behaviors going on in my neighborhood lately. Maybe I'm the only one to notice. Maybe it's always been this way and I've just become more of a cranky bitch - this is a possibility I suppose.
Also, I might just say that in general I really like my neighborhood and actually love some of my neighbors. Some of them, though, I just don't get. I think that everyone should remember that they live close to other humans, and afford them the same treatment that they themselves like to enjoy. Not a revolutionary thought, I don't think.
Lately, at night, there's been a decent amount of barking dogs. Loud dogs and constant barking. This I don't understand at all. Before writing me off as a dog hater, please know that I am a friend of animals and of animal lovers. The part I don't understand is why you would just leave your dog outside to bark and bark and why you would think that it's ok for a) your dog and b) everyone around you who has to listen to it. Why? I ask, why?
The guy next door goes outside at 8pm every single night and chases his dog around, wrestles with him and gets him totally wound up, barking and yapping at top volume. Now, look, I am a working parent too and I completely respect the fact that he enjoys silly playtime with his furry pal. It looks really fun and relaxing. But why at 8 o'clock every night? Could he do this at 6 or 7 or even 7:30? Does he not know, or not care, that we have a little one with a bedtime, and her bedroom window borders his yard? I just wonder what he thinks.
It's not just dogs with this guy, either. His barbeque is in the closest corner to our house as possible. It's not one of those nice polite barbeques, it's one of those super smoky numbers. I am not a meteorologist but if I was, maybe I would understand why the smoke only goes in one direction every night, and that is the direction of our house.
The smell of smoke and mystery meat completely saturates our house if we have even one window cracked. When it's hot outside, we, like most humans, try to catch a breeze through the window to cool things off. We also built this rad deck that we might like to enjoy in the warm evenings. Our enjoyment of the evening time is completely ruined by his barbeque smoke. If that were my barbeque and every time I fired it up (every single night) I saw my neighbors retreat into their house and slam all the windows and doors, I would honestly take note and maybe just move it away from their house a little. Just a little. To be considerate.
I know what you're thinking. I am thinking it too. If we just mentioned our grievances to our neighbor, who by all other accounts is a pretty nice guy, he probably would take note and he might even adjust some of these strange behaviors. We aren't bad people, either, but maybe we are just a little too passive aggressive for our own good.
When you have a problem, there are really just two paths to take. One path is to address it like an adult and move on. The other path, not as healthy, is just to suck it up and shut yer pie hole. I'm not proud of this. Maybe I should just say something, just to be neighborly.
Also, I might just say that in general I really like my neighborhood and actually love some of my neighbors. Some of them, though, I just don't get. I think that everyone should remember that they live close to other humans, and afford them the same treatment that they themselves like to enjoy. Not a revolutionary thought, I don't think.
Lately, at night, there's been a decent amount of barking dogs. Loud dogs and constant barking. This I don't understand at all. Before writing me off as a dog hater, please know that I am a friend of animals and of animal lovers. The part I don't understand is why you would just leave your dog outside to bark and bark and why you would think that it's ok for a) your dog and b) everyone around you who has to listen to it. Why? I ask, why?
The guy next door goes outside at 8pm every single night and chases his dog around, wrestles with him and gets him totally wound up, barking and yapping at top volume. Now, look, I am a working parent too and I completely respect the fact that he enjoys silly playtime with his furry pal. It looks really fun and relaxing. But why at 8 o'clock every night? Could he do this at 6 or 7 or even 7:30? Does he not know, or not care, that we have a little one with a bedtime, and her bedroom window borders his yard? I just wonder what he thinks.
It's not just dogs with this guy, either. His barbeque is in the closest corner to our house as possible. It's not one of those nice polite barbeques, it's one of those super smoky numbers. I am not a meteorologist but if I was, maybe I would understand why the smoke only goes in one direction every night, and that is the direction of our house.
The smell of smoke and mystery meat completely saturates our house if we have even one window cracked. When it's hot outside, we, like most humans, try to catch a breeze through the window to cool things off. We also built this rad deck that we might like to enjoy in the warm evenings. Our enjoyment of the evening time is completely ruined by his barbeque smoke. If that were my barbeque and every time I fired it up (every single night) I saw my neighbors retreat into their house and slam all the windows and doors, I would honestly take note and maybe just move it away from their house a little. Just a little. To be considerate.
I know what you're thinking. I am thinking it too. If we just mentioned our grievances to our neighbor, who by all other accounts is a pretty nice guy, he probably would take note and he might even adjust some of these strange behaviors. We aren't bad people, either, but maybe we are just a little too passive aggressive for our own good.
When you have a problem, there are really just two paths to take. One path is to address it like an adult and move on. The other path, not as healthy, is just to suck it up and shut yer pie hole. I'm not proud of this. Maybe I should just say something, just to be neighborly.
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