Oh December, You Are On Fire!

My goodness this has been an intense month! Aside from the usual holiday madness (doubled or tripled in crazy since the birth of A), this has been one nutballs of a December. And by nutballs I mean totally overwhelming and really, not that great, depending on your view. My mind is spinning so quickly I haven't had one quiet moment to record my thoughts. I'll try to articulate the mish-mash here, for what it's worth.

1. Work Life Ugh. I went to work for this small, magical creative company almost 7 years ago. It's crazypants and some of the processes are questionably healthy, but overall I love the people I work with and I love the work I've done there.

Times are a-changin', and this month it's been really apparent that we aren't in Kansas anymore since our company was acquired. We no longer have the freedom to do what we do how we need to do it, and that chokes the magic out of it. Without magic, it's just all about money, and that's a sad way to spend a good part of my energy every week. Still, I need a job, and I want to buckle down and believe, so for now, I stay put.

2. The Shootings. I have so much rant built up about how I feel about recent events, but the ranting is just going to stir the negativity pot, so I will spare you. The mass shootings that have happened this month have caused a palpable nationwide anxiousness. It makes the world look dangerous, desperate and sad. I have had to try hard to remember that the world you experience is what you make it, and at the same time, how am I going to raise a happy, secure human in the midst of the mess it appears to be?

And the gun debate is raging like never before. I got into it again today on Facebook, and in considering all the sides that were presented, it all boiled down to this: NO ONE wants children, or anyone, to be murdered senselessly on the street, in the mall or in their classroom. We all want safety for our families and friends and communities.

There are lots of opinions about how to go about it, and the only way we solve problems is to stay cool. There will never be total agreement but if something is not done, by all of us collectively, the world is going to look a lot different for my baby girl. This is hugely sad and disappointing for me. I'd like to think that humans can get over themselves, but maybe we are just animals after all.

3. The Flu. We all got the flu. I had the most disgusting case of the flu that I think I have ever experienced, and I am going to spare you all the details but believe me when I say that I'm just glad I've known J for a long, long time and that it wasn't our first date. He not only had to witness it, but he got stomach flu + regular flu and was laid out for a good part of the week. It is just downright wrong in all ways to be that sick and have to take care of your offspring at the same time. It's in the fine print of the parenting contract, I guess.

4. And then, the usual Holiday Madness, which always leads me to question "Why do we do this?". I totally get the whole giving, loving your family business, but why all the stuff? I halfway think that if I did lose all my stuff in a flood or a fire, I would only really miss a fraction of it. Too much stuff piling up! Stuff takes away from the whole point of the holiday!

I can complain about work and politics and the flu and shopping, but nothing else matters but this:

I am so grateful and blessed to live this life, to have the happiness that I have, and to be surrounded by such amazing, generous and loving people. Every day I pray that all living beings have the happiness and good fortune that I enjoy in this world. The essence of our life is in every moment we spend giving our heart to those around us, because the world really, really needs that in times like this.

Peace, blog readers.