Oh how I wish for the halcyon days of sleeping two shifts of 3-4 hours each. I am a wreck, people. I'm going on week 4 of sleeping for 2-4 hours and then being up for the rest of the night. I'm cracking up! I have no patience, I feel anti-social and J will tell you that I am very hard to get along with. When will it end?
I've tried many things. Keeping everyone out of the room: still wake up and stay up. Melatonin: big disappointment. Keeping the CPAP mask on: works great for 3 hours. Advil PM: no dice. ZzzzzQuil: works ok but has a hangover effect. Visualizations: my mind can't concentrate for a minute straight. Two things that have worked well in the past - Hylands Calms Forte and Tylenol PM - are nowhere to be found in the stores. What the hell? I've even tried changing my diet, thinking that perhaps my food allergies are getting back at me in new and unique ways. I don't know what to do!
I really want to avoid the hard drugs, like Ambien or Lunesta, because of their side effects and risk of dependency. What I can say about my current condition is that I'm amped, which allows me to get my work done and take care of business around the house. If I took the drugs, I'd be groggy the next day and I can't afford that. I need to train myself back to normal somehow rather than rely on a crutch.
I go back to see the Sleep Doctor in February (the guy is booked out months in advance - not too helpful for my day-to-day). I'm sure I will hear all about my apparent severe sleep apnea, which I am resigned to having and treating. But what I want to know is how to stay asleep. I used to do it, but I forgot how. Will he help with that?
Sleep deprivation does funny things to you, and for me, it just makes me worry more. I was accustomed to waking up once to use the bathroom or comfort A, but I could drift back peacefully. Now I am instantly anxious that I can't sleep, and that keeps me up. I hope I don't go crazy!
J is up to his usual tricks, despite my pleas for a more normal nighttime. He does what he wants, which means he comes to bed at 3:30 or 4 now. I don't know how that man survives on such little sleep, but he does get to sleep in a lot more than I do.
A is doing some strange sleep things now too. Naturally, I blame myself first. I think that my freaky amped-up insomniac energy is getting her worked up, and maybe that's partly it. Maybe she's just a developing two year old, though. She's rebelled against her peaceful afternoon nap. We're not giving it up just yet, though, because she clearly still needs one judging from her exhausted behavior in the late afternoon if she misses it. She's also waking up in the wee hours demanding to get up, play and read books. A little early morning party time, if you will. That's not going to work for her, though. Even if I never sleep again, she will have to. So we have that extra added excitement.
I'm contemplating going back to my regular doctor to get some blood work or something. What if there's something seriously out of whack in my body causing this disturbance? It's likely just stress but I feel compelled to look at it from all angles. I might even pay out-of-pocket and go back to the naturopath, even though I can't really afford that right now.
Mama needs some sleep! If Mama cracks up, this whole house of cards comes tumbling down, and I can't afford that either.
Oh man! I'm sorry. That sucks. I had a friend once tell me she took the prescription sleep aids just to get her body use to sleeping right again and then went off of them. But if there are groggy side effects, that is a tough call for sure! Sorry, Mama. Maybe a weekend away all by yourself so you can just sleep when ever for a couple days and reteach your brain and body?!
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