Road to Recovery

Sometime the most obvious answer is right under your nose and you don't see it until someone points it out. This is my experience with getting the sleep train back on the tracks.

A friend of mine told me to just remove myself from the bad sleep situation. What? Oh yeah, right, sounds so easy when stated like that. But I thought about the wisdom of it. That's when it occurred to me. I am the problem here. I am not getting too much help from my sleepmates, but when left to their own devices, they sleep peacefully for hours and hours. When they are subjected to my messy mind, they jump right into the insomniac fray.

So I made myself a cozy nest in our cozy basement cave. It didn't matter that these are the coldest days of the year because I had a little heater and lots of soft, warm blankets. As soon as the plan came together I immediately relaxed. I slept for 5 straight hours, woke up, got back to sleep again and slept some more, all the way until morning.

When I woke up that first night, I was transformed into a new woman. Everything seemed a little brighter and happier and hopeful. Things aren't so wrong. There's nothing to fear. It's all ok! I still have the ability to relax and sleep! It was right there the whole time - the answer that my mind was wound too tight to remember. I felt a little silly that I let it go on so long.

I wanted to sleep down there forever in the dark solitary womb, but I knew I had to return to my regular bed and my regular role. It's ok though because when I did return, I was relaxed and things changed. My people didn't interrupt me at all. A didn't even stir until 5am, several nights in a row (unheard of!). I'm still waking up at 3:30am, but I am not freaking out and I'm getting back to sleep until the proper wake-up time.

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep 8 hours in a row regularly for a while, or maybe ever. I will happily settle for this, though. A good chunk of deep, relaxing, oxygenated sleep and some cuddling with my people. We're all happier when Mama is calm. Delusions and anxiety are such a beast.