Buddha Made Me a Better Mama

I had a very strong spiritual practice for over 10 years. I haven't been able to practice formally as much, ok, at all, since Arli was born. I really, really miss it. I still try to meditate or even move my mind toward virtue whenever I get a moment of quiet, but those moments are pretty rare. I aspire to return to my practice some day, but I have no idea when that will be. I hope that it's in this lifetime.

I am so, so grateful that I had those years to marinate my mind on a positive path. I don't know what kind of mother I would be without the lessons I learned and took deeply to heart. I truly believe that meditation made me a better person.

When I am up to my eyeballs in frustration, I can hear my Guru whispering to me "Love her more". I am reminded to think of her needs before thinking of myself. I am reminded that she is just a baby, she is new here and she really doesn't know any better. My wisdom tells me that I do know better, and I need to act like it. I am challenged to rise above what I want, to think outside of me me me. Having a baby is the ultimate exercise in giving.

When I get caught up in the activities of the day, I remember that this is all temporary and it helps me to be in the moment with whatever is going on. Some days seem to go on for years, but in reality the hours are ticking away quicker than I know. What a waste of this human life if I allow everything to feel ordinary and mundane. I am reminded to be grateful, and to make it count.

She is teaching me the most invaluable lessons of patience, compassion and wisdom. These are real-life applications of the lessons that I had been studying with the monks. This is where the rubber meets the road. Am I a patient person or not? Am I compassionate or not?  Can I use my wisdom to overcome my unhappiness, and to help teach her how to be happy? In a way, she is now my Guru.

Maybe instead of lamenting the loss of my meditation practice, I should consider motherhood my new spiritual practice. When the time comes that I am able to return to the temple, I will be all that much stronger of a practitioner because of what I'm learning now. Maybe I didn't jump off the path, it just took a very beautiful turn.