Funk

I've been not quite myself lately, and I can't seem to pinpoint it to one thing. I like to handle my problems like the Terminator does - scan, identify and destroy. I don't have the interest or time to dwell on problems, you see. Lots to do, gotta stay motivated and on-the-up. Life is short.

I know I am off kilter because I've been feeling very emotional, and kind of not in a good way. Little things that I would normally just move through are really bugging me, and when this happens I sometimes spout off in an I-am-my-own-worst-enemy type of way. This chips away at my relationships with people, and it gets me the exact opposite result that I am going for. It is really counterproductive, to say the least.

There are lots of disturbing bits and pieces of societal shrapnel getting under my skin. Work is strange because there are changes afoot and everyone is nervous about their jobs and their future. I am in a constant state of anxiety about the safety and well-being of my kid, even though she gets the best care and she's a happy little rascal by all accounts. I know I have mentioned it before, but I cannot stand it that perfectly good people are suffering from cancer and other ailments all around me. And watching or reading the news plants all kinds of paranoia seeds in my mind witnessing the damage that humans do to each other on a regular basis.

I was having brunch with some friends last weekend and one of them is reading a book by Pema Chodron. My friend asked me what I thought it meant to "throw it all to the wind" whether things are going your way or not. I think it means not to get too attached to your emotions, that they are temporary and they will change. Sometimes suffering is necessary to get us to clarity, and sometimes we just have to deal with it the best we can until conditions change.

I know I'm stronger than this stupid old funk. I just have to accept and hang on until the fog lifts.