Toodee: Angel or Devil?

Toodee, a favorite character from Yo Gabba Gabba is one of the select few toys that gets to sleep with A in the crib. She takes an inventory each night. Bear, check. Bunny, check. Toodee, check. When everyone is accounted for, she can relax.

Lately, though, A has been playing a little game. She pushes Toodee's ears in, like this:

And then, she proceeds to become very disturbed and FREAK OUT for me to fix it. I'll pull the ears out, and hand her back the toy. Then, she pushes them back in and freaks out.

Uh, what the hell is this all about? I admit Toodee looks a little bit different with no ears, but she's the same fun-loving pal as far as I can see. I wonder what A sees, and why she thinks this is a good idea. One of the mysteries of being a two-year-old human, I guess.

Things To Do At 3am

1. Wake up and cry
2. Demand Mama
3. Once in bed with Mama, demand cuddling (spooning, really)
4. Pretend to go back to sleep, just long enough for parents to relax
5. Ask for milk. Appeal to their guilt that you are hungry
6. Be quiet but kick and push every once on a while.
7. Start talking about your pillow.
8. When told to be quiet, demand to get up
9. When denied, demand to go read books in your crib. They will comply, thinking this will get them some sleep. Silly fools.
10. Once in crib, read at top volume for about 45 minutes. Even with earplugs, they will hear you.
11. Begin to cry.
12. Cry until they come to release you.
13. Do not let up
14. Demand to get up and go outside.
15. When denied, ask for a diaper change.
16. They will attempt to get you back to sleep, even though there is only an hour until wake up time.
17. Pretend to comply, repeat step 4 for 45 minutes.
18. Start pulling Mommy's hair and giggling.
19. Success! Out of bed! Time to play!
20. Chatter at top volume, despite being shushed so Daddy can sleep.
21. Read books as loud as possible.
22. Remove every toy in box, one by one, addressing them all by name and throwing them over the couch.
23. Pay particular attention to the noisy toys. Push every button.
24. Ignore shushing.
25. Demand any random food you can think of. 26. Keep Mama hopping! Don't let her get lazy!
27. Success! Four hours will pass in no time. Mama will get ready for work in slow motion. Try not to giggle.
28. When Daddy gets up, start over with the antics, but also demand TV.
29. Enjoy several hours of TV while Daddy struggles to keep one eye open, but be sure to punctuate with random demands.
30. Refuse to nap.
31. Stick close to Daddy all day. He needs you to keep an eye on him.
32. Melt down often.
33. Be as darling as possible when your Mom comes home from work; appeal to her guilt of being gone all day. Give her lots of hugs and kisses and try not to stare at the horrible dark circles under her eyes!
34. These are the best days of your parents lives! Make it count!

Baby No More

One of the unexpected and overwhelming things about having a baby was all the stuff. I had three good sized showers and literally a truck load of used stuff given to me. Before A was even born, there was two rooms full of stuff for her. I didn't buy anything for her until well after she was a year old. This was a blessing indeed, and I'm certainly not complaining, but I do admit it was a lot.

Small humans change very quickly in their first couple of years, so all this stuff had a very short shelf life. There was a constant rotation of clothes, toys, books and gear that I could barely keep up with, and neither could my very limited storage space. I know people who save everything for one reason or another, but I simply didn't have the capacity, the plan for a second child, or the collector's mindset to accommodate that.

I have a small collection of special things, but other than that I have made a great effort to recycle all the wonderful baby stuff to people who needed it. Millions of babies go without all of this (and still survive to be fine adults), and I tried to keep my great fortune in perspective.

There are a few things, however, that I've held on to for seemingly no good reason. She's far too old for them, and I am definitely not having another baby. Stuff can be a good way to hold on to memories of a time gone by, and these last lingering things serve that purpose for me, I guess.

A good family friend is having a baby, and she's had lots of trouble both getting pregnant and staying pregnant. She was on bedrest for months and hadn't been able to get very prepared. I felt compelled and very happy to be able to give her some of these last lingering things: the Ergo, the co-sleeper, some breastfeeding supplies.

I didn't think anything of the offer. She needed it and it's just taking up space in my house. But as I was packing up all these things I was surprised that I was feeling really sad about these things leaving my house. Not because of the stuff itself, but because of what it represented to me.

I remembered the days when A was so little that I could cuddle her up and wear her around in the Ergo. I had such cabin fever on maternity leave, and we went on lots of cozy walks together during that time.

The co-sleeper was given to me by my mother-in-law in honor of her mother-in-law, who had just passed away. Though she never actually slept many nights in the co-sleeper, it was a constant companion in our room (it still is), insurance that if little baby A rolled off the bed, she'd be caught and safe. I was fond of Grandma L and it made me remember her every day.

Breastfeeding, for me, was a mixed bag. It was difficult to get in the swing of it, and it was difficult to feed a baby that couldn't eat very well. I didn't produce tons of milk, but just enough to feed her. I have bittersweet memories of going back to work and having to pump in my office, sneak out of meetings to pump, pumping while traveling wherever I could find a private spot. So stressful. But it was such a beautiful time with my baby, and such an amazing feeling that I could keep her alive with my own body. There are no words that can express the preciousness of that bond. She doesn't remember it now, but I will never forget it.

Letting go of all this stuff really brought it home to me that she is already far too old to need it, and I am definitely not having another baby. I don't really want to re-live all of it, but I just wish it lasted a little longer. Motherhood is just a long, slow process of letting it all go, and this is one of the first milestones to mark that process. Ouch.

This? Or That?

Ok, so I didn't quite make my blog quota in February. I was an overachiever in January so it evens out. Besides, I've been busy with many things. One of which I would like to share with you now...

I am entering the exciting and perplexing world of beginning education for my daughter. I know, I thought the same thing: already?? Yes, already. You can't just think of these things in September spur-of-the-moment, as it turns out. Your child will be behind for life! Ok, that's not exactly true, but you may not be able to send her to the place you like the best if you wait. If you are like me, you want her to be in the place that's the best.

We toured two very different preschools. Both of them will take her in September even if she's not quite three or maybe not quite potty trained. Both of them require an application fee and deposit to hold her spot. Both of them were led by people who appear to know their stuff and are passionate about the way they run things. The kids at both places looked happy and well cared for. Both places were within walking distance from our house.

The first place was an arts preschool with emphasis on a child-driven "non-hurried" environment. The program included art, music, dance, ceramics, sewing and glue gun projects for older kids (!) and outside play all year 'round. They had several stations set up around the room and kids rotated between them, depending upon their interests. They even had a "dirty dinosaur" station with layers of paint and shaving cream! Very tactile.

The place was not tidy (it was a happy mess!) and the kids seemed to be having a great time. There were probably 5 kids to every adult that day. The woman gave us a tour, but remained watchful of everything that was going on around her. Our A dove right in and started following some kids around and tinkering with some toys. This is a place where kids get to discover the world at their own pace and aren't put into a box of how school should be. There is plenty of time for that in the world, and this was all good stuff.

The second place was exactly, precisely the opposite vibe. The 3-4 year-olds were in a formal classroom. They were neatly and politely sitting at tables, awaiting art time, which involved the same size blob of paint and something to paint on at each table. Their art was hung in neat rows on a neat bulletin board. There was a potty-training chart with stickers for achievement.

This is a teacher-led preschool, an "early childhood academy", if you will. They have a set schedule every day and they are training the kiddos to be in public school, which was interestingly and specifically stated. The director kept apologizing that it was "total chaos" because it was picture day, but honestly there didn't seem anything chaotic about it. Compared even to our house, the place was spotless. The ratio here is 10:1, per state law. This school gets great reviews and is more expensive than the other one, by almost $200/month.

I am quite positive that A would do well and have a great time at either place. She loves organization, books and learning letters and numbers, but she also loves art and music and loves to do her own thing. She's got a nice, even temperament and is well-socialized, thanks largely to the awesome childcare situation she is in now with her sweet cousins. Preschool would be part time for us, supplementing the time she gets over there.

But which place is best? I really don't know! I want her to be a free spirit and have plenty of exploratory play time, and I also want her to be able to sit still and acclimate to the long haul of public school. We have one more place to visit, which is across town and seems to lean more toward the teacher-led philosophy, and maybe that will be the tie-breaker. Of course, maybe it will just make us more confused! I don't know!

This is hard stuff, but I think we just need not to make it more than it is. Education, really, is what you make it and I think my girl will be happy anywhere she goes. That is my hope, anyway.

Be Nice

Ok, I'm on a little rant here. One of the things that offends me the most is when people are rude to other people in public, and especially to people in the service industry. Yes, those people are there to "serve" you, but they aren't your servants, and even if they were, what is the excuse for abuse? I say there is none, ever.

Even if someone makes a mistake, doesn't do it the way you want or as fast as you want, or doesn't properly bow down to your consumer wishes, still NO excuse. Didn't your mother teach you any manners? Maybe that's the trouble right there.

I was in Target the other day, in a line behind a woman and her two tween daughters. The girls were paying for the purchases with their own money, so they had the divider between them. The cashier, an older man, seeing that they were all together, got confused somehow. He removed a divider and continued to ring it up as one purchase.

Mommy went off on him, got super snappy and grabby, and told him repeatedly that it was "very clear" that they were making separate purchases. She was loud and rude and wouldn't let it go, which made the man rattled and go even slower.

I was disgusted by her display. From the look on the poor guy's face, she more than made her point. Even more disturbing than her humiliating an old man was the example she was setting for her young girls. Maybe she was in a bad mood or whatever, but she is teaching her kids that it is perfectly ok to abuse total strangers that are there to serve you.

Call me crazy, but I just don't believe that kind of treatment brings out the best in people. I do not look forward to the day when I'm an old lady cashier and these two girls come into my line. I just might have half a mind to give them a little lecture on human decency, although by then it will be too late to unteach the mean.

The Dog Is Back (and Other Tales)

The Dog Is Back

It's 9pm. I hear some vigorous crying coming from A's room. This is unusual these days, so I go in to investigate. She's such a great communicator that I know she'll tell me exactly what the problem is, and she does.

"Barking, the barking, the barking!" At first I can't understand because of the damn binky, but I pull that out of her mouth and it becomes clear. The dog next door was barking and it woke her up.

I don't know why that dog is out, why he's barking or why it woke her up this time, of all the times he randomly barks, but I don't like it. I imagined myself marching over to the dog's people and asking them to get control of things and stop waking up my child. But I did nothing like that. I just held her and told her things were ok. She went back to sleep easy enough.

But I tell you, if this summer is going to be like last summer, with all the dog romping around and barking after bedtime, I might have to have a friendly chat with the neighbors. That's just not cool.


Big Dead Man

We were all sitting on the couch today, talking and having a good time. All of a sudden, A points at the fireplace and says, "I see big man."

Uh, what? What big man? Because of my own experience as a kid, I immediately wonder, is she seeing a man there where we don't? That isn't an impossibility I guess, but I hope she doesn't have that kind of sensitivity, for her own sake.

"Dead man. I see dead man."

Ok, now J and I are just trying not to freak out. What the HELL is she talking about? Then, I notice the Walking Dead action figure on the mantle. J must have introduced it to her. I walk over and point to it. "Is this the man that you see?"

"Yeah. Dead man. I see dead man."

I'm trying not to make a big damn deal about this, as I silently shoot J some eye daggers. Really, dude? Does she really need to be familiar with your zombie action figure? Take that thing downstairs! Good grief. I don't need this kind of stress.


Beeping and Blinking

One of the beautiful things about babies is that they don't really know fear until they learn it. I was really enjoying this stage. She would look at the Halloween dracula that J hangs on the door and just laugh. She would could hear us making a lion sound or a dinosaur sound and think it was the greatest thing ever. She didn't know what a threat was, and that's the way it should be!

I intentionally didn't let J watch horror movies or violent shows in her presence, because I just don't think she needs those sounds and images in her mind. She will have plenty of time for the ugliness of the world, but for the time being let's just keep her experience pure, if we can, right? J thinks I'm being extreme, but I don't care.

At some point, fear seeps in anyway. I don't know when it happened. I just know that she had a total fit when I set her in her crib to nap one day. I went in to see what was up, and she was pointing at the smoke detector.

"What is that? What is that?" Crying and carrying on. Very disturbed.

"It's the smoke detector, honey. It's ok. Was it beeping?" I'm so sorry I ever introduced the idea that the thing could beep.

She talks about it all the time. "No beeping?" She eyes the thing warily every time she enters the room, and I say to her "No, it's not beeping, it just blinks sometimes. It's ok. It won't hurt you."

What happened was that she just happened to notice it blinking. She had never seen it before and didn't understand. She didn't have language for what was happening and she got worried. She's never heard it beep but she thought that beeping meant blinking.

Now she walks around the house with concern, "Beeping and blinking? Beeping and blinking?"

She's soaking it all in. Processing. So amazing and so delicate. How to teach her caution without unintentionally training her to be afraid of everything? This parenting business is like advanced Jedi training, I tell you what.

She Keeps Me Honest

As you know, I've been trying to figure out how to fit in the exercise so that I can get on the road to better health. It's a great challenge with everything that life has in store for me these days, and sometimes it seems ridiculously impossible.

Well, it seems the stars have aligned. I have dusted off my Wii Fit and gotten the Zumba DVD. I don't have to go anywhere, I don't have to join a gym or pay money to look like a silly fool in public, and most of all, A LOVES it!

Every single day she pulls on my arm and demands to "Wii, Mama. Wii! Exercise!". The girl is my best motivator! She thinks the graphics are hilarious and she loves to dance around with Mama. "Ski! Hooa Hoop! Run! Jump! Yoga!" She's like a mini personal trainer, and she is a task master. "Zooooooooom-ba!" she says with delight and her famous tiger smile.

This is truly awesome.

I know that eventually she will get tired of the routine, like she did with Elmo and many others, but for now, I'm running with it. Literally.